"Being deeply loved by someone gives you strength, while loving someone deeply gives you courage." Lao Tzu
The biggest single factor responsible for success at Cedar Ridge is a consistently clear message from the parents that their son or daughter (the student) must accomplish the goal of working through the issues that brought them here. Usually not what the student wants to hear from the parents, the message is based on the love that parents have for their student. This form of love is called "tough love" and, yes, it does require courage.
The best objective way to measure the student's attitude and acceptance is how they engage in the process of change. The "Trust Levels" provide an excellent gauge for measuring this determination. The student's willingness to comply with rules and expectations is crucial for developing rapport with the student. Willing compliance does wonders for building the all-important therapeutic relationships that empower the healing process. Compliance develops a response pattern and acceptance of adult leadership in students who have become defiant, evidenced by their need to come to Cedar Ridge in the first place.
When we feel we are starting to have reasonable compliance, we say the student is "getting on board." That is when the student can achieve level 600. When a parent hears that their student has achieved level 600, it indicates that he/she is taking the first steps on the journey of change.
It is at this level that students begin dealing with the underlying issues that they have been seeking relief from by various strategies of pushing away. Yes, this does require courage! New students typically demonstrate old instinct and habitual response patterns through resistance to change. Despite good rationales for making changes, the perceived payoff for the presenting behaviors results in innate resistance.
This is when students start negotiating for concessions from the parents, trying to work a deal. How successful the student has been with these negotiations in the past usually determines how persistent the student will be in attempting to get parents to pull him/her out of the program. Children know their parents' weak spots and will likely try to split their parents from the program by taking advantage of these weaknesses.
The quickest way for a student to move past this stage is by parents consistently and energetically insisting that their child work through the levels and graduate the program. Even when circumstances lead to a shorter stay, the student will have moved the farthest if they believe completion is the only option on the table. Every dollar invested will go farther if the student believes their parents are committed to program graduation. When parents form a united front and communicate a consistent message about program completion, they are helping all the other parents. The fewer anomalies that occur with this message the more engaged the students are as a whole, thus benefiting everyone.
Success in progressing through the levels creates students who are deeply appreciative of the Cedar Ridge experience and deeply appreciative of the parents who held firm during their time here. These are the outcomes that make it all worthwhile for the staff who work here.
Here are some guidelines to follow during the time your child is with us.
1.Never let the student lead you into a conversation that indicates to them an alternate time frame for going home. Students usually probe about getting back into school at some specified date or ask if completing a certain number of school courses can be the criterion for leaving. The student then uses the alternate criteria as means of getting around the therapeutic expectations. The parent Mantra in response to any probing questions is, "You need to work on graduating the program first."
2. Keep stating that all decisions regarding future time lines are between the parents and the therapist, and that you are going to follow the therapist's advice. Although the student's discharge is ultimately the parent's decision, parents and therapist should maintain an ongoing dialogue about what i best for the student and family. We work for you, but putting the responsibility on the therapist takes the pressure off the parents and empowers the therapist.